When Desires Become Expectations
Milan Ford
With Valentine's Day just around the corner, I thought I'd dedicate today's devotional to all of my fellow MARRIED believers out there. And for those of you who are still SINGLE, be sure to tuck this one away in a vault; you may need to read it again one day.
When I first got married, I like so many of you reading this today, had a box full of desires that I came to the wedding altar with.
Desires to one day purchase a new home.
Desires for when and how many children I wanted to have.
Desires as to how I would like to schedule quality time with my wife.
Desires for how I would like to save and spend our money.
And yes, I even had a desire as to what I ALWAYS wanted to see my wife wear to bed! I was convinced that Victoria Secret was going to be a staple in our marriage forever.
But after six years of marriage (our seventh anniversary is coming up this October), I found out something very interesting about many of the desires I had prior to getting married. All of them have one common denominator:
The letter "I"
Every desire that I had grown up thinking would be a core value of my marriage was rooted primarily in what "I" wanted and desired to see happen. And at first, nothing seemed to be wrong with that kind of value system.
Our wedding ceremony was incredible.
Our honeymoon was unforgettable.
Our first home purchase was essentially a snap.
And the birth of our first child was indeed nothing short of magnificent.
But over time, something significant happened. In fact, it happens to relationships all across this nation every single day. Perhaps it is happening to you right now.
The values I had coming in to my marriage, many of which I thought were great values to have, slowly became something they never should have.
They became EXPECTATIONS.
Somewhere along the way, the desires I had about what my marriage was going to be like became an expectation, and whenever a desire is confused with or transformed into an expectation, the dynamic of one's marriage will drastically change.
For example: When a husband no longer 'desires' for his wife to assist with the cleaning of the house, but rather 'expects' her to do so, he (over time) may no longer become a husband to her. But rather her master.
Or (as another example) when a man no longer 'desires' for his wife to wear romantic lingerie to bed, but rather 'expects' her to, he (over time) may no longer see her as his wife. But rather as his 'releaser.'
(I'd use a different word there, but I think you get the point)
The following passage of scripture is one I had read several times before, but after reading it again this week, the words written here struck me like a ton of bricks.
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with washing of water by the word, and that He may present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish." - Ephesians 5:25-27
For six years, my wife has met, and more often than not, exceeding all of my desires and expectations as it relates what a good and loving wife should do. And yet, despite all of her attempts to make me happy, I realized that I tend to be entirely more focused on what she is doing, but not BECOMING.
I forgot that she also (prior to marrying me) had some desires as well. There were some lifelong dreams that she had that were not being fulfilled because her duties were confined to meeting someone else's expectations.
She was not being 'presented' as a glorious church BY her husband.
But rather busy 'building' a church and sanctuary for HER husband.
Friends, that is not why Christ came.
And that is not what His love is all about.
So before you head out to that department store to purchase some new perfume for your spouse or significant other, and just before you reserve that table for two at your favorite restaurant this weekend for Valentine's Day...
...be sure you carve time out to truly INSPECT what you EXPECT.
There perhaps may be no greater sign of God's love than to free those in our lives we have held captive to fulfilling our desires. Let's break this cycle once and for all.
Friday, February 12, 2010
ISRAEL'S UNBELIEF
ISRAEL'S UNBELIEF
Romans 10:18-11:16
http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=Romans+10:18-11:16
Dear Father,
How sorry I am that the people you chose, the nation of Israel,
has spurned your Messiah and turned away in unbelief. But how
thankful I am that because of their unbelief you have sent your
message to Gentiles so that we can be adopted into the family of
Abraham, grafted as wild shoots into the natural olive tree.
I rejoice that even today you have redeemed in Christ thousands of
Abraham's natural descendants for your kingdom.
I rejoice that I share with them the blessings you gave. Thank you
that we are one family.
In the name of Jesus Christ, our Savior. Amen.
Romans 10:18-11:16
http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=Romans+10:18-11:16
Dear Father,
How sorry I am that the people you chose, the nation of Israel,
has spurned your Messiah and turned away in unbelief. But how
thankful I am that because of their unbelief you have sent your
message to Gentiles so that we can be adopted into the family of
Abraham, grafted as wild shoots into the natural olive tree.
I rejoice that even today you have redeemed in Christ thousands of
Abraham's natural descendants for your kingdom.
I rejoice that I share with them the blessings you gave. Thank you
that we are one family.
In the name of Jesus Christ, our Savior. Amen.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
VERSE:
VERSE:
Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not;
charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave
itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked,
thinketh no evil...
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-5
http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=1+Corinthians+13:4-5&translation=kjv
THOUGHT:
Love does not focus on me, but on others. Each of these
qualities of love is based upon an affectionate, compassionate, and
forgiving attitude that regards others as being valuable and not
just placing value on me and my desires. No wonder the old saying
goes "The middle of sIn is a big I!" When "I" become more important
than others and what "I" want and that "I" win is more significant
than what someone else truly needs, then "I" have lost my way and
do not display the love of Christ.
PRAYER:
Holy God and Sacrificial Father, teach me to notice others and
value them just as you do. I know you loved me when I was not
lovable, and redeemed me when I was not worthy. Help me to take my
eyes off myself and see others as you see them. In the name of
Jesus I pray. Amen.
Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not;
charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave
itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked,
thinketh no evil...
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-5
http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=1+Corinthians+13:4-5&translation=kjv
THOUGHT:
Love does not focus on me, but on others. Each of these
qualities of love is based upon an affectionate, compassionate, and
forgiving attitude that regards others as being valuable and not
just placing value on me and my desires. No wonder the old saying
goes "The middle of sIn is a big I!" When "I" become more important
than others and what "I" want and that "I" win is more significant
than what someone else truly needs, then "I" have lost my way and
do not display the love of Christ.
PRAYER:
Holy God and Sacrificial Father, teach me to notice others and
value them just as you do. I know you loved me when I was not
lovable, and redeemed me when I was not worthy. Help me to take my
eyes off myself and see others as you see them. In the name of
Jesus I pray. Amen.
I BELIEVE!
I BELIEVE!
Romans 10:8-17
http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=Romans+10:8-17
Dear Father,
May the word of Christ always be on my lips and in my heart. May I
make known to everyone in every place that Jesus is Lord and that
you have raised him from the dead. Remind me continually that I
have no cause to be ashamed of my faith.
Grant not only that I myself should believe but that I should also
become partners with others in sending them to proclaim the Good
News to the world.
Thank you that Christ is preached. Thank you for the belief you
have put into my heart. Thank you for the salvation that comes from
this.
In Jesus' name. Amen.
Romans 10:8-17
http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=Romans+10:8-17
Dear Father,
May the word of Christ always be on my lips and in my heart. May I
make known to everyone in every place that Jesus is Lord and that
you have raised him from the dead. Remind me continually that I
have no cause to be ashamed of my faith.
Grant not only that I myself should believe but that I should also
become partners with others in sending them to proclaim the Good
News to the world.
Thank you that Christ is preached. Thank you for the belief you
have put into my heart. Thank you for the salvation that comes from
this.
In Jesus' name. Amen.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
He Loved Who?
He Loved Who?
Pastor Marquis Boone
John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
Discover the most precious loving act ever done. God sent His Son to die for you! I know some would say "for who"? Have you ever had a conversation with someone you haven't seen in a long time and the two of you begin to talk and you tell them "you know such and such fell in love with such and such and they got married". The first thing most of the time when the person is in shock is "with who"!!!
The word love is such a loosely used word today that many have really elapsed the accurate meaning of such a powerful four letter word. Some declare it's what you do and others utter its how you act. Whatever you think love is you will never find a love like God's love. God so loved the world that he choose us to give his only begotten Son to. To be chosen is to be one who is the object of choice or of divine favor, an elect person, selected, and preferred for a certain and divine purpose.
An object is something that when viewed stirs a particular emotion, something toward which thought, feeling, or action is directed; it's a cause for attention or concern. When God looks at us it stirs His emotion of Love and compassion. That's why he forgives us and He directs His blessing down upon us.
Why? Because we are the cause for His attention and concern. God's Love is not like man's love; we didn't have to do anything to earn it. He doesn't take it away from us when we mess up. He's not waiting on us to love Him before He loves us, and His love is unconditional. If you didn't know it already it might shock you but "For God so loved (say your name) that he gave his only begotten Son."
The Father desires to share His love with His people in good times, in bad times, during hard times, within a recession or not. Max Lucado once said: "If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it. If he had a wallet, your photo would be in it. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, he'll listen."
That's just how much love God has for you.
No matter what state this devotion finds you in weather happy or sad dwell on God's love it's everywhere. Look at the flowers outside they represents His love, the moon at night and the sun during the day represents His love. The next breath you take represents God's love. Don't walk around saying he couldn't love me after what I did last night but remember He loves you.
Pastor Marquis Boone
John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
Discover the most precious loving act ever done. God sent His Son to die for you! I know some would say "for who"? Have you ever had a conversation with someone you haven't seen in a long time and the two of you begin to talk and you tell them "you know such and such fell in love with such and such and they got married". The first thing most of the time when the person is in shock is "with who"!!!
The word love is such a loosely used word today that many have really elapsed the accurate meaning of such a powerful four letter word. Some declare it's what you do and others utter its how you act. Whatever you think love is you will never find a love like God's love. God so loved the world that he choose us to give his only begotten Son to. To be chosen is to be one who is the object of choice or of divine favor, an elect person, selected, and preferred for a certain and divine purpose.
An object is something that when viewed stirs a particular emotion, something toward which thought, feeling, or action is directed; it's a cause for attention or concern. When God looks at us it stirs His emotion of Love and compassion. That's why he forgives us and He directs His blessing down upon us.
Why? Because we are the cause for His attention and concern. God's Love is not like man's love; we didn't have to do anything to earn it. He doesn't take it away from us when we mess up. He's not waiting on us to love Him before He loves us, and His love is unconditional. If you didn't know it already it might shock you but "For God so loved (say your name) that he gave his only begotten Son."
The Father desires to share His love with His people in good times, in bad times, during hard times, within a recession or not. Max Lucado once said: "If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it. If he had a wallet, your photo would be in it. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, he'll listen."
That's just how much love God has for you.
No matter what state this devotion finds you in weather happy or sad dwell on God's love it's everywhere. Look at the flowers outside they represents His love, the moon at night and the sun during the day represents His love. The next breath you take represents God's love. Don't walk around saying he couldn't love me after what I did last night but remember He loves you.
I CONFESS!
I CONFESS!
Romans 10:1-8
http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=Romans+10:1-8
Dear Father,
Thank you that Christ is the end of the law to those who have
faith. Thank you that I am justified by faith in Him, not by some
system of merit.
May I not think of Christ as being so high in heaven that he is
inaccessible to us, or, like unbelievers, think of Him as being
dead and not available.
May I continually confess with my mouth the belief that is in my
heart: Jesus is Lord! And God raised Him from the dead!
Help me rather to know that He is nearer than breathing!
In Jesus' Name. Amen.
Romans 10:1-8
http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=Romans+10:1-8
Dear Father,
Thank you that Christ is the end of the law to those who have
faith. Thank you that I am justified by faith in Him, not by some
system of merit.
May I not think of Christ as being so high in heaven that he is
inaccessible to us, or, like unbelievers, think of Him as being
dead and not available.
May I continually confess with my mouth the belief that is in my
heart: Jesus is Lord! And God raised Him from the dead!
Help me rather to know that He is nearer than breathing!
In Jesus' Name. Amen.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
VERSE:
VERSE:
We are bound to thank God always for you, brethren, as it is
meet, because that your faith groweth exceedingly, and the charity
of every one of you all toward each other aboundeth;
-- 2 Thessalonians 1:3
http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=2+Thessalonians+1:3&translation=kjv
THOUGHT:
"Increase my faith, O, Lord." "Increase my strength." "Increase
my wisdom." We often pray for these things, but when is the last
time you thanked God for your love increasing? Can you think of
anything more exciting to say about your church than to say, "The
love every one of you has for each other is increasing!" Let's pray
and act to make it so!
PRAYER:
Holy God, may your love so fill me that I can fully share love
with those I meet each day. May this love grow and increase in me
so that others may readily see its benefits and recognize that it
is a direct response to the lavish love you have shared with me.
Through the power of your Spirit, help my love increase! In Jesus
name I pray. Amen.
We are bound to thank God always for you, brethren, as it is
meet, because that your faith groweth exceedingly, and the charity
of every one of you all toward each other aboundeth;
-- 2 Thessalonians 1:3
http://www.SearchGodsWord.org/desk/?query=2+Thessalonians+1:3&translation=kjv
THOUGHT:
"Increase my faith, O, Lord." "Increase my strength." "Increase
my wisdom." We often pray for these things, but when is the last
time you thanked God for your love increasing? Can you think of
anything more exciting to say about your church than to say, "The
love every one of you has for each other is increasing!" Let's pray
and act to make it so!
PRAYER:
Holy God, may your love so fill me that I can fully share love
with those I meet each day. May this love grow and increase in me
so that others may readily see its benefits and recognize that it
is a direct response to the lavish love you have shared with me.
Through the power of your Spirit, help my love increase! In Jesus
name I pray. Amen.
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